Does My Spouse Have a High Conflict Personality?
- Is your spouse rigid and uncompromising?
- Does your spouse have difficulty accepting and healing from loss?
- Do negative emotions dominate their thinking?
- Does your spouse have an inability to reflect on their own behavior?
- Does your spouse have difficulty empathizing with others?
- Is your spouse preoccupied with blaming others (mostly you)?
- Does your spouse avoid any responsibility for the problem or the solution?
If you answered ‘yes’ to most of these questions, then your spouse may have a High Conflict Personality. According to the High Conflict Institute, these are some of the patterns you see in a person with a high conflict personality.
WAHM/D, SAHM/D, Work out of the home or other?
* Work full-time – outside of the home.
# of Kids? Ages?
* Son (8) – going on 15 😊
The moment we found out I was pregnant was the moment I knew my life would be complete. I knew you were the missing piece to our family puzzle. You were the last member of our already amazing team and you would be the best friend your sister was searching for. A baby boy was what we needed in our home.
I have to admit, I was terrified to have a second child. I was already past the baby stage with your sister and the thought of starting over was scary. I had finally started sleeping and being able to refocus on myself. I couldn’t possibly imagine loving another child the way I loved your sister. Would I even have love to give you? Also, I was totally clueless about raising a boy! I only had a sister, most of my cousins were girls and I just had so little experience with baby boys. All these fears flooded my mind. What do I do about changing him? What do baby boys even play with? Will I be able to relate to him? How will I be able to raise a son that is brave but kind, a leader with compassion, motivated but tolerant? Perhaps these fears seem so trivial now, but they were very real at the time.
We don’t know about you but we are SO excited for the snow to melt and the reno’s to begin! But we really don’t even have to wait do we? Lots can be done inside while it’s chilly outside!
With big names like Bryan Baeumler hosts of HGTV’s Bryan Inc., plus, with more than 225 exhibitors and a slew of exciting new features, there’s real advice and real inspiration at the Edmonton Renovation Show!
The 2019 Edmonton Renovation Show runs:
Friday, January 25th, 2019 – 12PM – 9PM
Saturday, January 26th, 2019 – 10AM – 9PM
Sunday, January 27th, 2019 10AM – 6PM
Buy your tickets online here or enter to win passes below in our GIVEAWAY! Did you know, Kids 12 & under are free!
Thanks to the Renovation Show we have a four pack of tickets to giveaway! Tickets can be picked up at the show box office and the draw will be Monday, January 21st.
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I remember it very clearly, it was my sons 100th meltdown of the evening (or it felt like it anyways) and I was exhausted. He needed more from me than I had energy to give him. He was clearly reaching out…he needed his mom. My tank was empty. We put the kids to bed and I sat down on the couch and just stared out in front of me. My mind was racing; there was still dishes from dinner to do, lunches to make for the next day, laundry piled on the couch and I wanted to order groceries to save myself a trip to the store. Not to mention thinking of the to-do list I still had left at work. There was just so much to do.
We all have grand illusions on what it is like after a baby comes home. Your baby is content and on a schedule like you read in the books (depending on what book you read), your home is maintained the same way with the addition of a couple of baby related items, and all the extra baby tasks are split evenly between your spouse and yourself. If you already had your baby, you will realize this was all a dream that did not come true. Reality is not at all like this.
Often when talking to friends, the topic of splitting duties come up. Friends usually start to complain about how their spouse is not pulling their weight around the house and they wished their spouse would do more. The last thing I would hear from this conversation was how “unfair” it was.
The meal time struggle is real.
No matter what you make, bake, cook, or blend there is always someone at the table that is less than impressed with what is for supper. And for some reason it is always supper at our house that is the struggle. The boys go through phases of picky eating and being more adventurous it seems which also throws me for a loop. One day they just want plain noodles and chicken fingers and the next they are shocking you and eating a plate of fish (after 10 years of me coaxing, offering, trying, fighting, bribing… you get the idea) and liking it.
So I’ve come up with some tips and tricks that have helped me throughout the years. These may not work for every family but they have definitely helped ours. I’d love to hear your thoughts on meal times and how you make them more manageable too!
Let’s chat about mom birthdays.
Today is actually my birthday. Last night I was chatting with my husband and comparing birthdays as a mom to the whole New Year’s Eve phenomenon. The more you hype the event up, the worse the disappointment can be in the end. You can’t get overly optimistic about a birthday when you are a mother, because, let’s be honest, it isn’t really YOUR day anymore. There are still little mouths to be fed, laundry to be folded, a work day to get through and of course, the most difficult part of the day- bedtime. There is hardly any time around those events in which to schedule birthday activities. I laugh when friends ask me what we are doing for my birthday. Nothing! The answer is survival- just like every other day with three kids.
I used to go BIG for birthdays. That is actually one of the things Box Social Event Planning did when I started the business. We planned parties for parents that wanted that “Pinterest” party but didn’t have time. We would do such elaborate parties that one time we brought 8 foot trees into a play place to create a perfect Woodland Theme.
But then I stopped. Because I didn’t understand why I was throwing all this time and energy into one day for a little human that wouldn’t even remember it. I still love scrolling through Pinterest and Instagram and seeing beautiful, well curated parties but it just doesn’t work for our family anymore.
I wanted my kids to still have memorable birthdays though. Not something that just blipped by. And then we got the Birthday Banner.
I am not sure when it started but it has become a tradition in our house to hang the Birthday Banner. I remember picking it up at Target (sigh I miss Target even though the Canadian one wasn’t as good as the American one) and hanging it up for one of my kids’ birthdays. It was a September birthday and it was a very busy time for our family between school starting (being married to a teacher in September is not fun) and a busy event schedule for myself. So we threw up the banner and sang Happy Birthday to my youngest around Eggo Waffles topped with whipped cream from a can. Then I brought it out for the next one. Now a few years later it is something my kids love waking up to. It is made out of felt and gets hung in the same spot every time. Sometimes it gets fancy 3M hooks, other times it is held up by green painters tape.
But it is always there.
It took me a while but I have realized that the kids do not care about all the decorations, the cake, the late night party planning. They don’t care whether they have Pinterest worthy handmade cupcakes or a cake bought on the way home from work with a generic “Happy Birthday” on it. They want you to be there. To be present. To sing “Happy Birthday” and watch them blow the candles out not be worried about all the other stuff.
So from now on that is my goal. To be present. And hang the banner every birthday.
Deanne Ferguson is the owner of Box Social Event Planning. When she is not planning fun, family, friendly events she is finding the yummiest food for the Edmonton Home and Garden Show Food Stage. She loves her #cocktailsMonday dates with her husband and chasing around her two boys. You can find her at @DeanneFerguson on Instagram and @BoxSocialYEG on Twitter.