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Parenting

In Health, Lifestyle, Parenting, Uncategorized on
June 19, 2020

HELPING EMPOWER A CHILD WITH PERFECTIONIST TENDENCIES – PART 2

By Ashley Anjlien Kumar, The Confidence Coach

In Part 1 of this 3-part series, I described some of the behaviours a child might exhibit if they have perfectionist tendencies. To refresh your memory, check out the post here. Not only will this help a child with perfectionism, but it can prevent it from developing in the first place.

PART 2: CELEBRATE MISTAKES

Sounds counter-intuitive doesn’t it? Aren’t we supposed to prevent our kids from making mistakes? As kids we were always cautioned against making mistakes, right? So why do I want to celebrate my kids mistakes?

I hear kids all the time, especially in a dance class or sports, “I hope I don’t make a mistake” or “I hope I don’t get it wrong.” They hope they don’t make a mistake because they view the mistake as a diminishment of who they are. That somehow, they aren’t good enough. Many kids, by age 5 or 6 years old, are already determining their self-worth by their mistakes.

In my family, similar to many conservative traditional families, making mistakes was not okay. You did not make mistakes. Mistakes meant punishments. 

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In Business, Explore, Lifestyle, Parenting on
May 25, 2020

3 THINGS PARENTS NEED TO DO TO HELP EMPOWER A CHILD WITH PERFECTIONIST TENDENCIES

By Ashley Anjlien Kumar, The Confidence Coach

Does your child get down on herself? Is she hard on herself? A ‘perfectionist’ child? 

Some parents have reached out to me to ask what they can do to help their child who they believe has perfectionist tendencies. As someone who grew up with a mother with perfectionist tendencies, I picked up those qualities too in many ways. It isn’t easy going into the adult world expecting and wanting things to be perfect from the start, and then realizing there will be many roadblocks, ‘plan B’s’ – which a perfectionist mostly hates, and even failures. — What? Failure? Aarrgh (running in the opposite direction…Right?)

I’ve been working on those tendencies since I was 19 years old and have worked to diminish the effects of these habits on my life. There are adults in their 60’s now trying to unravel their perfectionist habits so they can learn to enjoy life more. This is isn’t easy as we get older, so the sooner we start with young kids, the better off they will be in the long run.

There isn’t one single answer that will ‘fit’ each child because each child is unique. But here are some ways to help your child that will benefit her regardless, and will help to increase the connection in your relationship.

First, what are some signs of a perfectionist child?

  • Gives up easily after only 1 or 2 attempts of something,
  • Unable to overcome mistakes,
  • Has difficulty managing change,
  • Self-critical, self-conscious, or easily embarrassed,
  • Sensitive to criticism even if it’s constructive,
  • Anxiety about making mistakes,
  • Procrastinates or avoids challenging tasks,
  • Tendency to stay in comfort zone,
  • Emotionally and socially inhibited,
  • Critical of others,
  • Difficulty decision making…

These are just a few.

So what can you do?

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Dear Easter Bunny: It’s OK If You Want To Half-Ass It This Year

It’s a weird time. Days are blending together, time doesn’t matter, putting on real pants has gone by the wayside, and for most kids the severity of the situation has probably sunk in. They are missing friends and family, their activities, and the freedom to play in the park. Parents are struggling with working from home, layoffs, teaching their children, and more.

This isn’t easy.

So we wanted to write to the Easter Bunny and let him know that it’s OK to chill a bit this year.

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In Parenting, Random Thoughts on
March 7, 2020

It Takes A Village

It was Valentines Day and I had made a lunch date with one of my favourite humans at Famoso Pizza. We are sitting at lunch, my youngest son tagging along for the ride.

The table next to us was filled with about 20 firefighters from the Spruce Grove Fire Department. We witnessed a man stand up and choke back a few tears as he made a speech to his retiring captain. It was touching and obvious that this man had made a huge difference in the lives of his team and in the community.

I looked longingly at my son knowing that I owed his life and safety to these brave men.

A couple years ago my son got locked in my vehicle while I was getting his brother out. The door closed and my car lost signal to the keys inside. My car is made to never lock with the keys inside so this was a very, big, problem. I got my one son out while my youngest stayed strapped into his car seat.

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In Lifestyle, Parenting on
February 21, 2020

Unpopular Opinion – I Let My Kids Stay Home From School When They’re Not Sick

My kids are 8 & 11 and are in Grade 3 & 6. Just like us sometimes they need a break. So I let them stay home from school even when they’re not sick.

We don’t over schedule (as much as we can with two active kids) but sometimes life piles up. Big family changes, busy weekends, changes in school, and growth spurts sometimes all pile up in one messy ball of emotion and they get to a point where they just cannot function.

So they get to stay home. No questions asked.

I will say that this does not happen often. We trust them to make a judgement call when they need it and this power has yet to be abused. So far in this school year the youngest has taken one day and the oldest has taken two. They are rarely sick (knock on wood) and although we travel occasionally they don’t often have to miss a ton of school.

I can usually tell as soon as they wake up that they are going to use the “free pass” that day. Sometimes they will wake up, start playing into it and talking about staying home but 99% of the time they perk up, eat their breakfast and continue on with their day. But the other 1%? They tell me they just need a day.

A day to stay in bed. Read. Build Lego while listening to their podcasts. Watch their favourite cartoons. Cuddle.

I know the privilege I have to be able to work from home and adjust to their needs. I am grateful I have kids who do not take advantage of this. I get that this will not work for every family.

But for us this works. And as they grow up and become adults I hope that they learn that it’s OK to take a day to recharge.

 

 

Box Social Event Planning

Deanne Ferguson is the owner of Box Social Event Planning. When she is not planning fun, family, friendly events she is finding the yummiest food for the Edmonton Home and Garden Show Food Stage. She loves her #cocktailMonday dates with her husband and chasing around her two boys. You can find her at @DeanneFerguson on Instagram and @BoxSocialYEG on Twitter

 

 

 

 

Elf on the Shelf – Love It Or Send Him Back to the North Pole?

Why I Love Elf On The Shelf:

We love when December 1st hits and Elf On The Shelf comes back from the North Pole and here’s why:

  • The magic of it all! They think it is real and I love the Christmas magic that happens when they believe.
  • Let’s be real – it is a parenting too for the whole month of December. The kids definitely act better when “Jingles The Elf” is watching.

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In Lifestyle, Parenting, Random Thoughts on
October 29, 2019

There’s More Than One Way to Halloween!

The day is almost here! The day that your children, if old enough to talk, have probably been going on about incessantly since school started: HALLOWEEN.

This day can cause a lot of stress for parents. There’s just so much excitement, sugar, sensory overload, sugar, late bedtime, sugar, excitement, sugar…. which, for most kids, means eventual overwhelm and meltdown. What I’ve learned in my 6 years as a “Halloween Parent” is that you gotta do you, mama. When I was a new mom there was a post by a mom blogger essentially shaming moms for not trick or treating around their own neighbourhoods…. Obviously that stuck with me because I still remember it. Guess what? Who cares! Forget about what others think you should be doing on Halloween and just do what you think is best for your kid(s) AND your sanity. Read more

In Parenting, Random Thoughts, Working Mama on
October 24, 2019

When the “Bully” Tables Turn

My daughter has seen her share of bullies and she’s only in Grade 2. From preschool on there’s always been that one child. She has been the child who runs to the teacher immediately so has been a “bully” target because of it. My initial reaction is Mama Bear but almost always secondary I wonder about the child. We know that kids who bully are sometimes modelling behavior they’ve seen or as the Have You Filled a Bucket book says, they have an empty bucket and don’t understand that hurting others won’t fill theirs.

Honestly, I’ve thrown my Judgy Jessie hat on more times than I care to admit when watching said children’s interaction with their parents. Saying to myself, “Ah, now it makes sense”.  Does it though? Do I know the back ground of what’s going on with that family? No, I don’t and I hate judgment. I feel guilty every time I think back to any time I decided to do that to another human being.

Let me tell you why this has suddenly become so clear to me that it’s the wrong thing to do. Because recently, it was MY daughter that was the bully.

And I am sort of ashamed it came to that. I’m not going to get in to great detail but she made some bad choices, along with some other kids that were making bad choices. The only reason I know is because her little bro ended up being involved.

When she finally opened up and let me know what was going on I was in shock. It was like the first time you realize your parents aren’t perfect. MY DAUGHTER? The “tattle tale”, help everyone who’s in trouble, compassionate, smart, funny little girl had made the CHOICE to treat others badly. Needless to say it was a very long conversation. Followed by further conversations with her AMAZING teacher, and at least one apology letter being written.

In the end, I feel like the whole situation was one of the best things that could have happened to our family. They say kids teach you more than you teach them. Truth. I had to hold in my reactions and think a lot about how to make this a teachable time. I also took this as an opportunity to remind her that I’m here to help her get through mistakes like these. She learned from this, showed remorse and even now, weeks later, we discuss it as a cautionary tale.

Cause kids make mistakes. Our kids make them, other kids make them and we make them too. Our job as adults is to help them through, learn as we go and withhold the judgment against other adults who are maybe just doing the best they can.

I know that’s what I am hoping for the next time either of my kids decide to dabble in bad choices. I’d love to say they’ll never do anything like this again, but if I thought that, then this situation would have taught me nothing.

Edmonton's Child

In Parenting on
October 22, 2019

Parent Hack! Kissing Dots To Help Your Child Put Their Shoes On The Right Feet

kissing dots

For as long as Finn has been able to put on his own shoes, he could care less about his shoes being on the wrong feet…that is until he started preschool and kissing dots were introduced. Now he’s obsessed.

kissing dots

I wish I could take the credit for kissing dots, but all of the credit goes to Finn’s preschool teacher Ms.Rebecca.

It’s not just HIS shoes though that he wants to put kissing dots on, it’s everyone’s. Recently he was super upset when his older brother absolutely refused to even entertain the idea – they aren’t cool when you’re 9!  Nevermind that daddy has black shoes, his solution….coloured paint (I mean it’s actually a good idea).

It’s also expanded to strangers. When we were out at a local indoor playground recently a parent was telling their child to put their shoes on the right feet and Finn loudly said: “You should get some kissing dots”. I’m sure had he known that I keep a permanent marker in my purse he would have offered that as well.

How Do Kissing Dots Work? 

  • Get a permanent marker (or paint)
  • Grab the shoes
  • Put a dot on the two inner outsides of the shoe so that they can “kiss” when they are together
  • That’s it

It is literally the most simple solution that I can’t believe I’ve never heard of before, but you know what? Finn has put his shoes on the right feet since then.

Just Another Edmonton Mommy

Christine Bruckmann is one of the founding members of Alberta Mamas and is known to everyone as the research ninja. You can also find her writing on her blog Just Another Edmonton Mommy.