This is not an easy post for me to write, but in light of recent events, I feel compelled to share a part of my story and some of my coping mechanisms…. So here goes. I’ve been described by some people, as a person who has a lot on her plate. They’re not wrong, it is a lot to juggle.Taking care of two young boys, caring for a mother who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and early onset dementia,managing the household and having 2 bigger dogs to contend with, holding down a job ( or sometimes 2 jobs) and having a husband that works in and out of town does have me mentally and physically exhausted at times. My emotions get the best of me.
I often wonder if there is anyone that cries as easily as me. As moms we know pain, so I don’t mean I can’t handle pain, I’ve had two kids, let’s be real. I mean my emotions run very close to the surface. I’m a sap. I get teary eyed SO easily! And not just crying. Have you heard of a “poker face” – I don’t have one. If I’m mad it’s all over my face, if I’m embarrassed, If I’m blissfully happy, it’s all right there for you to read. My very lucky husband never has to wonder what kind of mood I’m in.
It is harder having kids now too because everything pulls on my heart strings. I cannot watch the news – It’s awful and I feel like it makes me a less than upstanding citizen but I have to get my snippets of news from social media, friends and the radio. Any TV show or movie where anything bad happens to kids or animals count me out. Even a scroll through Facebook can start the water works.
I began thinking about this recently, when I was a blubbering mess in public watching something, that I wonder if other women look at me and get it or think I must be nuts. Wondering if there are more people like me, here’s a list of things that easily bring me to tears that really don’t seem to affect others.
That Huggies Power of Hugs Commercial. I mean come on! My kids are in elementary school now, and I am done, I don’t want any more babies but even if I hear that commercial playing in another room, my chest tightens up and I’m in emotion mode.
Now this one, this drags the happy, heart so full kind of tears from me. Good Odds Toyota. Watch it if you haven’t, I dare you not to be touched by it. Well done Toyota.
Anyone remember the Kraft Teddy Bear Commercial. Gets me every.Dang.Time. Kraft Peanut Butter “Stick Together”
There’s a lot. But here’s a start.
You Should be Here by Cole Swindell. I honestly haven’t yet lost anyone close to me but just imagining it gets to me. The lyrics in this song are so beautiful but it comes on the radio in the car, I have to change the station. For fear someone will look over at me and be so concerned they call the police about the crazy woman blubbering through traffic.
I cannot watch this video. Like, even a few seconds into the start hearing it I well right up – Standing Outside the Fire by Garth Brooks.
Any song that talks about kids, being sick, loosing them. Concrete Angel by Martina McBride. I hear those first keys picking out and I prepare for the waterworks.
Apparently country music has some sad songs… who knew.
Often times the pieces that are the most beautiful and hit home the most have some sadness. One of my favourite writers shares a lot of imagery poems – mostly uplifting, inspiring stuff but some with a hint that hit my sore spots, Butterflies and Pebbles on Facebook.
As mentioned above. But I do sometimes sit through them because often a good cry is therapeutic. If you’re looking for this therapy, I highly recommend A Dogs Purpose, PS I Love You, The Notebook, My Girl, The Man in the Moon, Up – well, really, pretty much any Disney Movie (side note – did you know there are 27 Motherless Disney Movies?), The Fault in Our Stars, Me Before You, A Walk To Remember, Marley and Me, gosh, I could go on and on!
5. Anything to do with Animal Cruelty
A lot of people are with me here, that I know. Some folks get mad immediately, my heart hurts and instant tears.
I’m talking in real life and even Say Yes to the Dress. I’m a sucker for happy endings.
7. My kids
Hardly ever in a bad way. 😉 Seriously though, when I see them on stage at school or for dance, it always cues up my emotions but even sometimes when I overhear them being incredibly kind to each other out of now where it plucks those heartstrings. Of course, that latter one is few and far between.
How about you? Are you like me? If so, what is it that gets you teary eyed?
By Katherin C.
As much as Christmas brings joy, happiness, and family to many, it can also be a really hard time of year for others.
It could be the first Christmas without someone you lost this past year.
It could be that financially the past year has been tough, you’re exhausted & stressed just getting by and then on top of that you’re faced with “making spirits bright” for your family.
It could be that this time of year makes you think about not just the family you see often, but maybe those you’re estranged from. Or maybe even never met.
I try to focus on all the good around Christmas but it does bring up a strange feeling for me around that word “family”. For as long as I can remember my dad has been my dad but he’s actually my stepdad. And he did a damn good job let me tell you, I’ve never felt like I am not his. But, I haven’t ever met my biological father either. For a stint in my 20’s, I found him and communicated with him and his wife over email. We swapped photos, and around Christmas time we got to wish each other Merry Christmas for the first time. I have to admit there was a bit of a novelty to it.
He lived very far away and neither of us made any plans to travel the distance and meet each other. I was raising a family so there was no way I could go but I got the impression he didn’t really have any interest in meeting me, or my kids. I think once that realization came around (and he had told me previously that he had never wanted kids in the first place) I stopped reaching out. I have to admit it was a bit of a test, which needless to say didn’t go well. I never heard from him again.
I’ve come to peace with the fact that he is missing out on a lot and that isn’t on me, but I still think of him at Christmas and it tinges my happiness with a bit of sad. I wonder if he’s doing ok. I wonder if he ever thinks about what it would have been like to see MY face Christmas morning when I was little? I can’t imagine missing that – that is what makes this an amazing time of year to me.
Now my story is not as sad as some others. Maybe you’ve lost someone over the past year. Maybe you’re just struggling to get that Christmas spirit going and you’re not even sure why your sad.
This time of year can be really, really hard but you should know you’re not alone and it’s ok to ask for help. I did. Sharing how you’re feeling with others can be weight lifting.
Alberta Health Services has great resources and programming if you need it. They’ll help you find a program in your area and can take stock of your symptoms. Call 811 or visit myhealth.alberta.ca
You’re not alone. You’re doing ok. And you’re worth every bit of magic that finds it’s way to you on Christmas morning.
Katherin C is a mom of 3 kids from a small town in Southern Alberta. She enjoys making snow angels with them and just basking in the warmth of being a mom.