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Finding Balance

I remember it very clearly, it was my sons 100th meltdown of the evening (or it felt like it anyways) and I was exhausted. He needed more from me than I had energy to give him. He was clearly reaching out…he needed his mom. My tank was empty. We put the kids to bed and I sat down on the couch and just stared out in front of me. My mind was racing; there was still dishes from dinner to do, lunches to make for the next day, laundry piled on the couch and I wanted to order groceries to save myself a trip to the store. Not to mention thinking of the to-do list I still had left at work. There was just so much to do.

My husband asked what had to be done. We divided up tasks in hopes of getting everything finished so we could have time together to catch up on a show. It all got done but my mind was still preoccupied….how did I get here.  All of a sudden this part of my life that I had been dreaming about since I was a little girl wasn’t all I had dreamed of. I was surviving (if you want to call it that) not living the life we dreamt of. I wasn’t enjoying all of the wonderful parts of my life and my family. I had lost perspective. Every meme and quote I saw, reminded me that I needed to slow down but I didn’t know how.

So I did what most hormonal middle aged women do….I cried. I cried a lot, talked to trusted friends and my husband. We knew something had to change. I didn’t know what at first and then it came to me. It took me over a year to utter the words….I’m going to quit my job. I decided I needed to put my career on hold to focus on my family. Focus on my original dream as a child growing up. As soon as I said out loud, it felt right.

It was scary (and still is some days). The fear kept me from thinking about it or talking about it for a long time. I felt like I was failing myself, and that I would be a burden on my husband. Would we financially be able to support a family of four on one income? What would we have to give up? And worse, the lingering fear of wondering what if this change doesn’t accomplish what we wanted? There were lots of conversations about our lifestyle, family goals, and what the next year might look like. Through all of it my husband supported me and was our rock. We decided that we were going to go back to focusing on our family and what we wanted to accomplish for our family.

It has been three months since my last day of work.  Thus far it has been the best decision I have ever made for myself and for my family. All those dreams I had as a little girl, I am getting to live them out with my own family. Time, that thing we never had enough of, all of the sudden we have it. Uninterrupted time to just spend together. The rush, feeling like I was being pulled in a million directions, has faded.
We do some crazy things as moms for our kids but not always for ourselves.  This decision we made wouldn’t be for everyone but it was with my family at the forefront. Parenthood isn’t always easy but we only get one shot at it. Life is still busy but we are busy focusing on each other and our family. I’m now getting to live the life I dreamed of. I’m finding my balance.

Written By: Taryn McDonald

Family Photo: Rayne or Shine Photography