There are a lot of things that happen when you decide that you wish to have only one child. One of the biggest things that happens is unsolicited advice. Seriously, I’ve never felt so violated in my life with personal questions about my body than I did once I became a mom. Literally, as soon as my baby came out of me there were questions about when or if there would be another!
For some moms, the choice to have another just isn’t an option. That’s a completely different post, because sadly, those moms didn’t make the conscious decision to never get pregnant again- they just can’t. My story is different. I am the minority of moms who chose, along with my husband, to stop at one child.
It’s very clear that we are in the minority, I can only think of one other single child family in our preschool. I only have 3 other friends in my life that have made the same decision. I’m pretty cool with it. Others, not so much.
Here is a list of ridiculous assumptions that get made and questions that get asked when you are a ‘One and Done’ mom:
- You can’t get pregnant and must have endured multiple miscarriages or fertility treatments- nope, one pregnancy, one baby.
- You must hate children. Sure, that’s why I had one to begin with….
- You must have had a really tough baby? Nope, slept like a charm almost every night since 4 months, never had colic and was by all accounts, a very content baby.
- You are selfish. If knowing and honouring my own desires and limits is selfish then, I guess so?
- Your child must be so spoiled/bored/lonely. Nope. Just nope.
- Your child must want a sibling!? Actually, he’s shared with us that he really doesn’t enjoy babies and has only ever asked why he doesn’t have a brother once in 5 years. He does, of course, love his cousins and friends.
- Your ovaries must ache whenever you hold/see/hear a baby!? Again, no. I love the baby snuggles, coos and giggles and take whatever time with them I can before blissfully handing them back to their parents;)
- What will your child do when you and your husband are dead? Ummmm, grieve like any other human does when they lose a parent and hopefully gain support from those closest to him?
To be honest I knew pretty early on that we would be a family of three. I cherished it and held on to that baby like many moms say they do when they know it’s their last one. I soaked up every minute of it and didn’t push for a second to get him to the next stage.
I could go and list all the reasons why I love having an only child and why we made the decision to be one and done, but I won’t. Simply because it isn’t worth justifying. I wouldn’t expect a mom of three or four to explain to me why she had multiples. It’s her choice. Her body. Her family. Her life. Also, it does not impact me in any way.
I think most people ask questions about our fertility based on general interest and with kindness in their hearts, most of the time. But, unless you are in that woman’s inner circle, maybe leave the questions about her uterus and family planning at the door. She’ll let you know if she wants to;)