By Francesca Roznicki
“I feel like I’m reaching a place where I don’t really want to focus on losing weight. I know I don’t look awesome. I know I’m overweight. But I feel like I don’t hate the way I look enough to make it a priority. I don’t want to get bigger. But I just wanna eat what I want and not feel guilty about it. Is that insane?”
This was the text message that started it all. That started the shift. That started the fall back to myself.
I sent this message to my husband on a Thursday afternoon and part of me was worried he would come back with something that would challenge my ability to go down this new path. I worried he may say something like “you just gotta keep at it” or “you’re doing great” – something that was supportive but also made it difficult for me to “give up”
But instead, he came back with a response that supported my fall down the rabbit hole of body-positive, self love.
He simply said “nope. I feel the exact same way”
And so that’s where it started.
For years, I have been thinking I loved my body.
For years, I have been thinking because I don’t stand in front of the mirror pointing out my flaws, that that meant I liked myself – never mind the fact that I actively avoided looking in the mirror when coming out of the shower.
For years, I thought because I followed weight watchers- which touts that it is a lifestyle change, not a DIET- that I was changing my lifestyle. I wasn’t dieting.
But I think I also knew that this wasn’t true. I joined weight watchers for the third (Fourth? Fifth?) time, after my youngest son was born in 2016. And a year and a half later, I was only down about 10 lbs – when I wanted to lose 50. I struggled over and over again to “be on track” to “stay committed” and yet nothing seemed to work.
Even though I know that my weight watchers leader talked about loving your body through the journey, self-love at any size etc. I felt like I didn’t “hate” my body enough for that to stop myself from wanting to eat whatever I wanted to eat – and then the guilt would set in and I would religiously track my foods and struggle to find my willpower for 2-3 days before, inevitably, The entire cycle would start over. This went on for well over a year.
I was so tired of the cycle. I was sick of the guilt. I was sick of wanting to just love my body, but feeling like I couldn’t because it wasn’t “perfect”
So after that text message exchange with my husband, I started seeking out all the body positive, body love messages I could. Pinterest was a great start – lots of inspirational quotes, which lead to book suggestions and blog writers I would love to follow. An hour later, I canceled my weight watchers account. And that night, we ordered Chinese food and I enjoyed it guilt free – for the first time in years. Food without guilt. What a concept…
So while this journey is so new for me, I wanted to share it with others so you can join me on learning to love your body. Below are some suggestions on how to start the body love process – books, hashtags etc. And please, reach out if you have anything to share. I am by no means an expert – but I’m learning and I’m committed to loving my body and helping other women learn that their bodies are worthy of love – just as we are.
Reading suggestions (what I’m reading now)
- The Goddess Revolution by Mel Wells
- Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls : A Handbook for Unapologetic Living by Jes Baker
Hashtag suggestions (what I’m looking up on Pinterest and Instagram)
Some of my favourite quotes (what I’ve pinned on my #bopo Pinterest board)
Francesca Roznicki is a married stay at home mom of two boys living in Edmonton, Alta. She has always had a passion for writing but found it hard to commit to regular writing after her kids were born. One day she decided that “starting where she was” was the most important part and now she happily shares stories of her life, crazy mom moments, recipes and more on her blog “Bloom and Bliss”