By Ashley Anjlien Kumar, The Confidence Coach
In Part 1 of this 3-part series, I described some of the behaviours a child might exhibit if they have perfectionist tendencies. To refresh your memory, check out the post here. Not only will this help a child with perfectionism, but it can prevent it from developing in the first place.
PART 2: CELEBRATE MISTAKES
Sounds counter-intuitive doesn’t it? Aren’t we supposed to prevent our kids from making mistakes? As kids we were always cautioned against making mistakes, right? So why do I want to celebrate my kids mistakes?
I hear kids all the time, especially in a dance class or sports, “I hope I don’t make a mistake” or “I hope I don’t get it wrong.” They hope they don’t make a mistake because they view the mistake as a diminishment of who they are. That somehow, they aren’t good enough. Many kids, by age 5 or 6 years old, are already determining their self-worth by their mistakes.
In my family, similar to many conservative traditional families, making mistakes was not okay. You did not make mistakes. Mistakes meant punishments.
My anxiety seemed to be managed and I was doing so well for a long time.
Well, you know how that goes. Life happens. Family issues pop up, especially around the holidays. I got busy and missed a few days of my medication and boom. The insecurities, the irrational thinking, the fear, all come on and it feels like I’m drowning again.
And you would THINK you would notice this in yourself but in my case I didn’t. I had to have a friend give a good swift kick and say – Ok, what’s up – you haven’t been like this in a long time. Then it dawns on me, and I remember missing days. And my Dr. has said that particularly stressful times will make my anxiety “flare up” but there is also the issue of time.
By Victoria Smith
Stress is on the rise, particularly with women. But, I don’t need to tell you that, do I? Intuitively, we feel overwhelmed. From acting as a perpetual chauffeur to coordinating play dates, or from healthy meal planning to juggling sick days and attempting to work from home, motherhood is stressful. Here’s the deal, though, it can be less stressful when you have the right tools, strategies and mindset in place.
Before we get into five strategies that you can implement immediately, we need to start with mindset. If you think your day is going to be stressful, it will, because that’s how you’ve primed your brain. You’ve given it the signal to find evidence of stress wherever you look. To counter this, what I want you to do is start every day by setting an intention. Believe me, I know that if you wake with the kids, it can be hard to find a moment for that, so a fall back can be to write out your intention and set it next to your alarm clock. What should that intention be? I put it back to you – how would you like your day to go? For example, my daily intention is to show up as an engaged parent, wife and friend, and a Rockstar entrepreneur. Yours could be to a search for gratitude. Or to be mindful. The intention is personal to your needs and desires, but set one and start each day reminding yourself of it. Only then will the following strategies take real effect.
1. Stop comparing yourself to other moms
It is so easy to get into a shame-spiral of how you are performing as a mother when your friends or Insta-community are throwing Pinterest-perfect parties for a two year-old. Or maybe you pick
up your child from daycare only to find out that they’ve bitten another child – of course it would be the most well-behaved child of the seemingly put together momma. We are all on our own motherhood journeys. We all have our own past, our own challenges, and our own beliefs to grapple with. Just because you do things differently doesn’t mean you’re doing them worse. First step if you find yourself in this comparison black hole? Take a social media break. If the comparison is coming from in-person interactions, before each encounter remind yourself that you are doing the best with what you have, and your kids are well-loved. Because at the end of the day, your child won’t care about the perfect party or baked goods or that they were potty trained a year before all the other kids. They’ll remember time spent one-on-one with you, the cuddles and bedtime stories. Presence and love matter most.
Eye health has always been a huge priority in my family. My mom, as a young adult, was diagnosed with an eye disease called Retinitis Pigmentosa. Over the last 20 some years her vision has progressively declined and she is now legally blind. There is no cure for this, but thankfully clinical trials are ongoing. Advances and new discoveries over the years in all areas of eye health have made early detection of serious eye diseases possible. Regular eye exams by a licensed Optometrist are essential for everyone, regardless of family history.
Beyond Traditional Therapies For One And All
Being an athlete myself for most of my life, loving science and math for as long as I can remember, and growing up in a family that did whatever it takes no matter what has definitely contributed to my strong advocacy for Breanna’s treatments and how I view her future. Luckily I married a man who is on the same page as me. From our experience with receiving Breanna’s diagnosis, there isn’t someone who takes you on to the next step. It’s like you and your child are held over the edge of a deep body of water and both dropped in at the same time. You’re left to save yourself and your child without extra measures while trying to get to safety. I feel that my past and passion for learning has at least partially helped set us up for success. It also helps when you meet people along the way who are similar in tenacity and it makes research time far more efficient!
Last week I got excited. I was thinking about my health, and honestly, I tried on a pair of jeans that fit nicely not two months ago. They now wouldn’t go over my hips. This wasn’t a matter of washing machine shrinkage and the timing of New Years was purely coincidence – promise. It had more to do with the brie and crackers I was consuming, pretty much daily.
Something had to give and unfortunately, it wasn’t going to be my jeans.
Every year, some of us set the same New Years Resolution to be in better shape, take better care of our health, or (gulp) lose 20 pounds. I have been one of those people for many years. I start off the year strong and very ambitious, only to give up after a month (if I am lucky.)
Illustrated and designed in Banff, these 52 Cards will motivate and push you to create sustainable healthy habits in your everyday life. Just in time for the holiday season, these cards are the perfect stocking stuffer for teachers, families, friends or co-workers.
The meal time struggle is real.
No matter what you make, bake, cook, or blend there is always someone at the table that is less than impressed with what is for supper. And for some reason it is always supper at our house that is the struggle. The boys go through phases of picky eating and being more adventurous it seems which also throws me for a loop. One day they just want plain noodles and chicken fingers and the next they are shocking you and eating a plate of fish (after 10 years of me coaxing, offering, trying, fighting, bribing… you get the idea) and liking it.
I used to go BIG for birthdays. That is actually one of the things Box Social Event Planning did when I started the business. We planned parties for parents that wanted that “Pinterest” party but didn’t have time. We would do such elaborate parties that one time we brought 8-foot trees into a play place to create a perfect Woodland Theme.