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3 THINGS PARENTS NEED TO DO TO HELP EMPOWER A CHILD WITH PERFECTIONIST TENDENCIES

By Ashley Anjlien Kumar, The Confidence Coach

Does your child get down on herself? Is she hard on herself? A ‘perfectionist’ child?

Some parents have reached out to me to ask what they can do to help their child who they believe has perfectionist tendencies. As someone who grew up with a mother with perfectionist tendencies, I picked up those qualities too in many ways. It isn’t easy going into the adult world expecting and wanting things to be perfect from the start, and then realizing there will be many roadblocks, ‘plan B’s’ – which a perfectionist mostly hates, and even failures. — What? Failure? Aarrgh (running in the opposite direction…Right?)

I’ve been working on those tendencies since I was 19 years old and have worked to diminish the effects of these habits on my life. There are adults in their 60’s now trying to unravel their perfectionist habits so they can learn to enjoy life more. This is isn’t easy as we get older, so the sooner we start with young kids, the better off they will be in the long run.

There isn’t one single answer that will ‘fit’ each child because each child is unique. But here are some ways to help your child that will benefit her regardless, and will help to increase the connection in your relationship.

First, what are some signs of a perfectionist child?

Gives up easily after only 1 or 2 attempts of something,
Unable to overcome mistakes,
Has difficulty managing change,
Self-critical, self-conscious, or easily embarrassed,
Sensitive to criticism even if it’s constructive,
Anxiety about making mistakes,
Procrastinates or avoids challenging tasks,
Tendency to stay in comfort zone,
Emotionally and socially inhibited,
Critical of others,
Difficulty decision making…

These are just a few.

So what can you do?

Why I Love Elf On The Shelf:

We love when December 1st hits and Elf On The Shelf comes back from the North Pole and here’s why:

The magic of it all! They think it is real and I love the Christmas magic that happens when they believe.
Let’s be real – it is a parenting too for the whole month of December. The kids definitely act better when “Jingles The Elf” is watching.

My daughter has seen her share of bullies and she’s only in Grade 2. From preschool on there’s always been that one child. She has been the child who runs to the teacher immediately so has been a “bully” target because of it. My initial reaction is Mama Bear but almost always secondary I wonder about the child. We know that kids who bully are sometimes modelling behavior they’ve seen or as the Have You Filled a Bucket book says, they have an empty bucket and don’t understand that hurting others won’t fill theirs.

Honestly, I’ve thrown my Judgy Jessie hat on more times than I care to admit when watching said children’s interaction with their parents. Saying to myself, “Ah, now it makes sense”. Does it though? Do I know the back ground of what’s going on with that family? No, I don’t and I hate judgment. I feel guilty every time I think back to any time I decided to do that to another human being.

Let me tell you why this has suddenly become so clear to me that it’s the wrong thing to do. Because recently, it was MY daughter that was the bully.

And I am sort of ashamed it came to that. I’m not going to get in to great detail but she made some bad choices, along with some other kids that were making bad choices. The only reason I know is because her little bro ended up being involved.

When she finally opened up and let me know what was going on I was in shock. It was like the first time you realize your parents aren’t perfect. MY DAUGHTER? The “tattle tale”, help everyone who’s in trouble, compassionate, smart, funny little girl had made the CHOICE to treat others badly. Needless to say it was a very long conversation. Followed by further conversations with her AMAZING teacher, and at least one apology letter being written.

In the end, I feel like the whole situation was one of the best things that could have happened to our family. They say kids teach you more than you teach them. Truth. I had to hold in my reactions and think a lot about how to make this a teachable time. I also took this as an opportunity to remind her that I’m here to help her get through mistakes like these. She learned from this, showed remorse and even now, weeks later, we discuss it as a cautionary tale.

Cause kids make mistakes. Our kids make them, other kids make them and we make them too. Our job as adults is to help them through, learn as we go and withhold the judgment against other adults who are maybe just doing the best they can.

I know that’s what I am hoping for the next time either of my kids decide to dabble in bad choices. I’d love to say they’ll never do anything like this again, but if I thought that, then this situation would have taught me nothing.

Get To Know The Know Tribe Edmonton

We have had the absolute pleasure of working with The Know Tribe Edmonton and had the opportunity to showcase Alberta Mamas alongside many other amazing lady run businesses in Edmonton in The Know Book.

The reason we love everything about this endeavor is that it’s really all about women supporting women. Marina, Renata and Stephanie (Know Ambassadors) are women helping other women get out there and be seen. Not just creating connections within the group but with The Know Book, exposure that can be touched, felt and picked up by people all over the city.

The Book:

It’s a vetted guide that highlights dynamic women that are often under-the-radar, behind-the-scenes, and are busy perfecting their craft. It is a diverse collection of women from all walks of life, industries, ages, and backgrounds.

The Tribe

It’s a casual place where high-level, like-minded women come together to create and foster relationships. There are absolutely no mean girls allowed. We are a sisterhood.

The events that you can take part in are incredibly fun. One of the best parts is being in a group and realizing you are meeting people you follow on social, and admire, IRL. Connecting, inspiring and learning from each other.

You can even see what others have said about being part of the Tribe on YouTube!

Get In The Know 😉

There’s an event coming up that you can attend to really see what it’s all about.

October 17 at the Creative Hive! Check out the Eventbrite for all the details.

‘YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL WHO THE STRONG WOMEN ARE. THEY ARE THE ONES BUILDING ONE ANOTHER UP RATHER THAN TEARING EACH ANOTHER DOWN.’

Confession: I’m Almost 40 And Don’t Know What I Want To Be When I “Grow Up”

I recall, as a child being asked – “What do you want to be when you grow up?“

When you’re small, the sky is the limit. I wanted to be a singer most of all but a paleontologist on the side. As I grew up and realized I wasn’t going to make it as a singer, my second option became a focus. BUT my challenges in school – science and math, not to mention the cost of that kind of education, quickly laid that dream to rest. I grew up in a small town with no career supports and no one encouraging me to be ambitious. Let’s be honest, the first goal was getting to “the big city” and figure it out from there.

I didn’t go to university or college in the end. I had amazing opportunities continuously fall into my lap, worked hard and ended up around people who believed in me. I got incredibly lucky with being able to provide for myself and now my family.

But….

Now at almost 40 I’m asking myself the same question I was asked as a child.

“What do I want to be when I “grow up“

Dreaming of taking trips to incredible destinations? Dreaming of taking your children around the world to experience new cultures and take on new adventures? Having nightmares about the long flights? We have all been there!

From when my children were old enough to have a passport (so basically the first few weeks), my husband and I have been taking our children on trips around the world. Our first long haul trip was with our 6 month old daughter to Turkey. Of Course we were terrified. As new parents and never having travelled with children before we couldn’t even anticipate what it might look like. To make it worse, him and I had this image of exhausted parents not having slept for 24 hours pacing back and forth in airplane consoling a screaming baby in our minds. Our first experience wasn’t too far off from that image to be honest. On the way to Turkey, we had crying, no sleep, we had many many outfit changes and throw up. Lots of throwup! Not a great way to kick off a 2 week vacation. BUT we sat down, and we worked out a great plan for the return, taking into account everything we had experienced. It was almost perfect! We got it all worked out and we were now prepared. Fast forward 6 years and 2 kids later, we have taken many long haul flights including Egypt, Singapore, Indonesia, and The Philippines.

I want to share with you my tips for taking long haul flights so that you can get past the anxiety of flying with children and start enjoying all the amazing places this world has to offer!

BABY:

From age 9-16 I was a competitive swimmer for a small summer swim team in Jasper National Park ; the Jasper Red Fins. We were small but mighty and we called ourselves “RED HOT!” WE were very proud. I didn’t actually learn to swim until age 9 but my parents focused on it so much that within months, I had completed all the levels and joined the swim team. Swimming became my life. I wasn’t the fastest swimmer but my technique was good and I loved it! I enjoyed early morning practices and I would even go to the pool to “swim laps” on my own regularly. Our pool had a Kilometer Club and where the goal was to swim 100km in the specified time frame and we got prizes at different milestones. When I say swimming was my life, I’m not exaggerating!

After age 16, I started coaching the swim team. First I was an assistant coach then a year or so later, I was the head coach. The team was mine! I was a “take no crap” kind of coach. I was a 6am practice kind of coach. I was a “no junk food or unhealthy food the week before a competition” kind of coach. Like I said, swimming was my life. I did this until about age 21 when I stopped spending the summers in Jasper.

WAHM/D, SAHM/D, Work out of the home or other? WAHM

# of Kids? Ages? 2 Kids: I have two kids; Manessa (6 years) and Malik (3 years)

What movie makes you cry? My Sister’s Keeper. It just hit close to home. When it came out, I was struggling with some health issues. Most often, I tear up in movies that have to do with Parents and their children.

Tell us about a mom/dad who inspires you?

My own parents for sure! My parents made a very tough decision to leave home; Egypt; to seek a better future for themselves and their children. They learned the language, worked 7 days a week, built their life together one brick at a time. They were typical immigrants working for the dream. They raised my sister and I here in this amazing country trying to balance an Eastern culture and Faith in the Western world. They taught us to be proud of who we are, and to remain rooted. They taught us to work hard, be honest and to do what you can in life then leave the rest up to God.

By Leah Elzinga

“My kid spends all their time in their room playing video games. I’m worried they’re not making friends. At least they like technology?! Maybe you can teach them to code!”

Every six weeks or so I receive an email or request similar to this one, with frazzled parents begging me to teach their kid to code to get them out of the basement but… that doesn’t work. Here’s the thing: I love technology. I love the thing itself, I love the process of building it, and I love the people involved. In and of itself, though, technology isn’t the solution to all of our problems: people are.

So let’s unpack this problem. Kid spends all their time playing videogames online. Ok, so this isn’t really a problem in and of itself. Is the kid still active? Gets their homework done? Let’s assume the answers there are a “yes”.Kid is anti-social. Ok, so this we can work with, but maybe not in the way you’d expect.

How did I not know this little piece of camping paradise existed right in our own backyard?

The Mamas were very lucky recently. Arrkann RV set us up with some sweet trailers for Glamping right in Edmonton. You can read all about our take on the trailers here – but I digress.

Rainbow Valley Campground boasts 39 15 amp powered sites + 29 natural sites;

And a massive green space WITH a playground.

Older Posts

parenthood

3 THINGS PARENTS NEED TO DO TO HELP EMPOWER A CHILD WITH PERFECTIONIST TENDENCIES

Does your child get down on herself? Is she hard on herself? A ‘perfectionist’ child?

Elf on the Shelf – Love It Or Send Him Back to the North Pole?

Why I Love Elf On The Shelf:

When the “Bully” Tables Turn